i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
