no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
