last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
