Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
