That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize