Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
