so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
