It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
