You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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