You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
