I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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