I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
