Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
