we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
