my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
