Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize