whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
