I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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