Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
