my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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