wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
