He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
