I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
