I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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