Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
