i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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