Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
