I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
