So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
