i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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