I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize