I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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