apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
