No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
