I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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