omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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