i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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