My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
