you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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