i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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