NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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