just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
