It's just like the Real World with babies
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
