ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He felt like a one man threesome
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize