Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
