3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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