I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
