hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
