nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
