i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
