I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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