That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
