Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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