I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We're too hungover to prance.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
