I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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