Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
