would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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