I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
