Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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