whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
