She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
