that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
