I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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