this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize