Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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