I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
