he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize