Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
