During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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