i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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