i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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