grandma shit on top of the toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
